Category Archives: Relationships

It’s the LOVER not the LOVE….

love song

“It’s the lover not the love who broke your heart last night; it’s the lover not the love that didn’t work out right. So if you listen to your heart; you know it’s true; it’s the lover not the love who deserted you.”

Remember these lines from a song?  They say that being in-love is the sweetest feeling anybody could have.  Heart beats faster than the usual speed. You feel happier ten times the normal state. You can see rainbow even it doesn’t rain. There’s a magical feeling of simply being together.  At times, you can do things beyond your limits. Impossible becomes conceivable.  Right can be wrong and mistake can be right. You are being oblivious of important issues that need your attention the most as all you look forward to see that special someone who makes your existence full. Oh LOVE!  🙂  Who doesn’t want to feel it, embrace it, and indulge in it?

But what if the person you showered with love suddenly turn her/his back on you? Your world trembles. Hopes vanish. Loneliness creeps in. You swiftly become the person in your nightmare that you won’t want to be.  You want revenge; you want to hurt the same person whom you pledge you’ll be spending the rest of your life with. You try to find answers behind those questions unanswerable.  And in some point if your life, you unable to find reason to fall in LOVE again.

Unhappy, miserable, rejected, ill-fated; these are outlooks a person transmit when wounded.

Then you stop and began to realize. Every person will come to culmination; a point where you stand and walk forward. It is called moving on. To others it may be sooner. To some it will come later.

Then you will start pin your ears back to your heart once more. You will smile, get excited on meeting someone new, and will just shrug your shoulders every time you reminisce the past. You will become hopeless romantic all over again.

Because just like in the lyrics of the song; A heart in love can lose it is true. Don’t give up in time to find, the one who’s right will come to you. It’s the LOVER not the LOVE who deserted you.

Lyrics | Tiffany lyricsIt’s The Lover lyrics

Happy love month every- JUAN! 🙂

 

 

When Infidelity sets in…

relationship infidelity conflict resolution

in·fi·del·i·ty  

  • (n.) Unfaithfulness to the marriage vow or contract; violation of the marriage covenant by adultery.
  • (n.) Breach of trust; unfaithfulness to a charge, or to moral obligation; treachery; deceit; as, the infidelity of a servant.

For some reasons or another, INFIDELITY is always associated with MEN. Why? Is it because there are great number of men than women having an affair outside of their married life, or life with their partners and girlfriends. Or is it a common understanding and knowledge that MEN by nature are polygamous. Blame it on the society. But what really drives an individual to step out of the line and get himself/herself into this trap? Yes, I say trap as I believe any person has the ability to refuse or give it a green sign. I also believe that there is no such thing as UNINTENTIONAL CHEATING on his or her mate for that matter. It’s a big CRAP.

Well according to study, below are 12 common place situations that can lead to infidelity.

Trap #1 – Regular online communication an online “friend”

Regular e-mails, IM’s or chat room conversations with an online friend of the opposite sex can build strong emotional bonds that progress to emotional infidelity, which is the stepping stone to sexual infidelity.

Trap #2 – Drugs or Alcohol

Many people have succumbed to infidelity because they were under the influence of drugs or alcohol which impaired their judgment, and lowered their inhibitions.

Trap #3 – Flirting

Innocent flirting with someone of the opposite sex can get out of hand. Especially if one person finds the other sexually attractive.

Trap # 4 – Associating with others who are cheating on their mates.

Peer pressure can be very powerful. If there’s one lone “goody two shoes” among a group of a group of cheating friends, it won’t be long before that person is cheating too.

Trap #5 – Complaining about your marriage/ relationship or your mate.

This sends a message of availability, and can be misinterpreted that the complainer is open to having an affair. And the irony to this is, those partners who complaints a lot are those belong to the cheater group.

Trap #6 – Socializing with an opposite sex workmate.

Hanging out with an opposite sex workmate during non-business hours is just asking for trouble if unless your spouse or significant other is present, or you’re part of a group.

Trap #7 – Putting oneself in compromising situations.

Stopping by your opposite sex friend’s apartment when you know the two of you will be there alone. Inviting an opposite sex workmate to stop by your hotel room of visiting their room on a business trip.

Trap #8 – Fantasizing about sex with someone else.

Thoughts precede actions. Fantasizing what it would be like to have sex with another person allows the idea of infidelity to take root in one’s mind.

Trap #9 – Lunch and coffee breaks with the same person.

Having lunch or taking coffee breaks with the same opposite sex workmate every day paves the way for a workplace affair.

Trap #10 – Talking about sex.

Discussions of a sexual nature with someone of the opposite sex can arouse that person’s sexual interest in you, or make the other person think you have a sexual interest in them.

Trap #11 – Letting one’s marriage or relationship stagnate.

When the romance and passion fade in a marriage or relationship, both parties become vulnerable to an affair.

Trap #12- Window shopping on online dating sites.

Anyone who is married or in a committed relationship is asking for trouble by checking out online dating sites, just to see what they have to offer. Seeing what’s available can trick one into thinking that the grass is greener on the other side.

So if you think you’re in in one of the situational trap mentioned above, think twice or thrice. J You wouldn’t want to be in the scene where it is yourself that is being cheated upon right? Remember the law of KARMA. What comes around goes around.

More on Valentine’s Day- How to tell someone you love them?

valentinesday iloveyou

There are hundred ways to say I LOVE YOU. What makes it worse if there are still people who find it hard to express this feeling to others whom they feel important to them.

Some are just shy to express their emotions. Others are hesitant to show how they love as they see it as a sign of weakness. There are few who refuse to share what they feel due to rejection. Lucy are those who are being taught to be extrovert in expressing this feeling. But is not something you can tell just about anybody you meet :). To love someone is a special state of mind that don’t just happen in a snap of a finger. This feeling should be invested, nourished and should keep you inspired all through years of being together. Years later, it should be a moment that you feel good and proud of, not a memory that makes you cringe and one you would rather forget.

So how do you really tell someone that you love them? Sharing some points to consider which i have read sometime ago.

1. Don’t throw the word around

The first thing that you must be sure about is what love means to you. Some people tend to use the word in everyday conversation, as a casual expression; for instance, “Bye! Love you!” So if you’re one of those people, you will have to make a rather serious and special effort to actually portray your feelings of love when you intend to tell someone that they mean the world to you.

2. Appropriate place

This is a factor that will also depend on the person you are going to tell. Some people prefer having a personal communication in private and may freak out if you tell them that you love them in front of friends and other people. Others may love the thrill that comes along with a public declaration of love. Also make sure you pick a spot where you feel comfortable. The last thing you want to do is to feel rushed and harried while you’re about to say something so important.

3. Appropriate Timing

Timing is a very crucial factor when it comes to proclaiming love for the other person. You need to be absolutely sure about your feelings in the first place. Don’t confuse a crush or an infatuation with love and blurt it out because you couldn’t distinguish between heart and hormones. Other men thinks they already love someone by having a one night stand. Poor individuals! 🙂

4. Just say it

There is no easy way to do it. No shortcuts, no tonics, nothing to help you out. If you’re sure about your feelings, just go ahead and say it. Of course, do make sure you put in some thought behind how you want to go about the whole thing. Pick a romantic spot if you must, but what really matters is your intention. Say exactly what you want to say.

 

5. Love is a VERB; A VERB is an action word.

Therefore, if you say you love someone it doesn’t end by just saying it a thousand times. You need to take extra effort to express the reasons why you love that special person. It will not really matter even if you say those endearing words and take that person for granted specially in times you are needed the most. Love is learning your partner’s love language and then expressing love in a way that he/she can receive.
There is no way to tell for sure whether the other person reciprocates your feelings or not. However, life is too short to hesitate over such important matters. In the end, you do not want to hold regrets about the things you could not do. Not telling someone that you love them out of fear of losing their friendship is not the wisest of things to do. So just go and tell that special person how much they matter to you.